Friday, August 17, 2012

The Broccoli Tolls for Thee


I love broccoli. How can I keep it from stinking up my house when I cook it?

I have no idea. I steamed broccoli in the microwave two days ago and my house still smells like a gaseous cat died in the drywall. I keep checking the baby's diaper and I think she is getting offended. I'm not sure what cruel deity designed broccoli to be so nutritious, but it was clearly one of the gods that has sinus problems. A quick glance at the Wikipedia page for broccoli reveals that it apparently prevents everything from cancer to hysteria (mostly just cancer), yet the clever team of scholars (broccoli lobbyists?) recklessly neglects to mention that the cooking process will kill a canary.

This is a particular problem for the Shiftless family because I bought six bags of this noxious cabbage-weed. I was under the impression that I liked broccoli, but I actually like broccoli that has been cooked by someone else, smothered in garlic sauce and delivered to my door. Now I have to decide whether I want to subject my family to nightly stink-bombs or buy a gallon of vegan-low-fat-ranch dressing and pretend every night is a dinner party. The latter idea fills me with sadness.

Any ideas? How do I contain the stink?

9 comments:

  1. I'm actually relieved it's not just me! The broccoli stench has been so far-reaching in my home that I went so far as to call my contractor because I assumed he must've somehow jacked up our walls or plumbing. Just doesn't seem possible for one vegetable to wreak so much havoc. I hope someone replies with a solution. Other than stop eating broccoli.

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    1. So far, no luck. Seems the internet can't solve all problems.

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  2. Why don't you just blend it into a sauce. No cooking and stench and you can trick the kids into eating it

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    1. THIS might just win the internet for me today. I asked my 9yo about this question and she said, "Oh, easy, just don't cook broccoli, ewwww!"

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    2. Yeah, it isn't popular among the younger sect unless it is smothered in cheese they can lick off.

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  3. Use the fan thing on your stove. That, or simply let the catbox go about four days. Broccoli smell will be gone.

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    1. Shiftless Husband doesn't allow cats in our home. That is a whole other post...

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  4. Loved your post on Aiming Low.

    And how do I contain the stink from cabbage??

    I love cabbage.

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    1. Thanks! Cabbage and broccoli are in the same family, I guess? Stinky cousins...I have no idea. I'm going to have to create a cooking shack in my backyard.

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