Friday, August 17, 2012
The Broccoli Tolls for Thee
I love broccoli. How can I keep it from stinking up my house when I cook it?
I have no idea. I steamed broccoli in the microwave two days ago and my house still smells like a gaseous cat died in the drywall. I keep checking the baby's diaper and I think she is getting offended. I'm not sure what cruel deity designed broccoli to be so nutritious, but it was clearly one of the gods that has sinus problems. A quick glance at the Wikipedia page for broccoli reveals that it apparently prevents everything from cancer to hysteria (mostly just cancer), yet the clever team of scholars (broccoli lobbyists?) recklessly neglects to mention that the cooking process will kill a canary.
This is a particular problem for the Shiftless family because I bought six bags of this noxious cabbage-weed. I was under the impression that I liked broccoli, but I actually like broccoli that has been cooked by someone else, smothered in garlic sauce and delivered to my door. Now I have to decide whether I want to subject my family to nightly stink-bombs or buy a gallon of vegan-low-fat-ranch dressing and pretend every night is a dinner party. The latter idea fills me with sadness.
Any ideas? How do I contain the stink?