Tuesday, May 29, 2012

True Blue

I will cut a bitch.
I went through a troubling personal drama recently. I won’t dwell, but let’s just say that I was painfully embarrassed and scandalized throughout my close-knit social circle. I was completely innocent, but, of course, that was of little consequence once the rumor mills began. I thought I had moved passed the sordid affair, when a woman, who I thought was my friend, abandoned me at a soiree in order to affiliate with the very scoundrels who besmirched my good name. To make matters more disheartening, we had just spoken about my need for support during this precarious time. I feel betrayed and humiliated anew. I have half a mind to tell her what for.

Sometimes, when I rework these questions, I like to have a little fun and emulate the nature of the question in the writing. This is a quintessential “old society” question, because any red-blooded, reality-tv show watching American knows that the appropriate response for the letter writer is to stand barefoot on a balcony shouting obscenities at this girl and dumping cheap champagne on the unfortunate extras hired to attend the party. But I digress...

Resist the powerful urge to say anything to this woman. Women are socialized to talk out our problems and seek harmonious solutions. Theoretically, this makes us expert communicators and mediators. Practically, it means we talk ourselves to death without ever getting to the real point because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, unless a producer is telling us to do so, but that’s usually accompanied by instructions to knuckle a gal in the eye while pulling out tufts of hair. (See above)  

Nothing you say will change what happened or influence what she does in the future. Either she knows exactly what she did and doesn’t care, or she is too stupid to know and your words will merely cloud her already murky thought process and be inevitably misinterpreted.

Don’t waste your time. I don’t doubt that you are mad at her, but there is an equally likely possibility that you want to use this minor infraction as an excuse to rage out in response to the original wrong. For whatever complicated, convoluted social reason, you can’t go all Dynasty on the people that really deserve it, so you found a sacrificial lamb. Unfortunately, verbally grinding this woman’s dignity into a fine paste won’t bring you any satisfaction, and it will probably backfire. Beating up on a sycophant looks desperate. You’ve managed to weather the storm thus far, don’t ruin it now just because it turned out that a member of your judgmental, snide, backstabbing social circle lived up to mores of the group. Honestly, what did you expect?

You can either play the game and wait for her to get what’s coming to her (because it will happen) or you can get out and find a group of friends who didn’t think Mean Girls was “completely fetch until the second half.”


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Hanging out over at yeahwrite. Can't wait to catch up on the great blogs I missed over vacation.



read to be read at yeahwrite.me

4 comments:

  1. Mean people suck and I'm sorry you were in that position. also glad you are back from vacay.

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    1. Me too! Vacations are nice, but I feel out of the loop.

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  2. Oh, I know how it feels. We can't stop people from being mean, but we can stop people from ruining our day. Hope you'll feel better with the vacations ;)

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  3. I always try my best to look at the bright side of situations and say things like "it's a good thing those toxic people are out of your life now" and yadda yadda yadda. But really, sometimes it all boils down to the fact that some people are jerks. No rhyme, no reason, they're just jerks.

    I do hope that you had a great vacation, and that this whole situation becomes a distant memory sooner rather than later!

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I love comments. They make me feel like I'm not talking to myself. I try to reply to all of them, eventually.