Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I'm Hungry.

What can I say? I'm not as creative on an empty stomach.
Have you ever been to B&O American Brasserie in Baltimore, MD?

Have I?! Have I?! Why yes, yes, I have.

I've been there twice, once for lunch and once for dinner. Clearly, I have more than enough exposure to render an educated and thorough opinion. 

The service is slow. When I went for lunch, the hostess walked slower than molasses in January. She also sat a group of men who had a reservation before she sat a group of women who had a reservation. Just saying. When I went for dinner, we waited our entire meal for rolls, despite asking multiple times, with growing irritation (we, in this case, = me and my stomach). Our waiter said he would bring some rolls over and then apparently he realized his dreams lay elsewhere because he never came back to the table. I waited for the entire meal and then asked the first person I could flag down. We ate our rolls with our free dessert. Don't get between me and my carbohydrates. 

The food is very good. I don't purport to have a sophisticated palate, but I also don't eat Cheez-whiz and pepperoni for dinner...that often. For lunch, the Power Lunch special was a great choice: shrimp bisque that tasted like shrimp instead that usual flour-y paste that has come to mean "bisque," a massive burger with onion straws and some sort of beet-jelly that was spicy (this isn't a foodie blog, so you should have checked your expectations a while ago), and two cookies that were chewy enough to be worth the $14 ticket on their own. Dinner was a bit pricier, but the pizza flatbread was decent and I'm told the pork belly was delicious, since I won't eat anything that has the word "belly" in it. (Putting a belly in your belly should wreck the space-time continuum. That it hasn't yet is not worth the risk.) 

The decor is predictable and awkward. The chairs downstairs are too low so it's hard to look dignified when you are nose-to-nose with your food. Upstairs was forgettable. There were definitely tables and chairs. I could see into the waiting station. 

Overall, I will go back. Hopefully for brunch.

***Update: I have been told by a reliable source that brunch was "eh." Moving on...


  1. Belly should never be in your belly, wholehearted agreement! Also chicken feet should never be in your belly. I speak from bitter experience (was once offered a "vegetarian/seafood" salad at a bbq. Commented on the chewy squid. 'That's not squid, it's a chicken foot!' 'BUT I DON'T EAT MEAT!' 'It's just the foot though...'

    This is my kind of food review by the way. Especially the bit about rolls. Mm rolls.


    1. No, no. Feet should not be eaten. Feet go on the ground. They are the dirtiest part of the animal other than the -ahem- which should also not be eaten.

      The best part of writing reviews is the eating. The second best part is the sense of righteousness that accompanies writing something scathing about someone that was rude. That is the true, somewhat illusory, power of the blog.


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