Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I mean well.


I said something to my friend about a controversial topic that I believe in passionately and she knows it. She took it to be a personal judgment on her choice and got all sad-puppy face. I didn't mean it to be an attack on her. It’s just what I believe. I think as a friend she should understand the difference.

There is no difference. At the heart of every controversial matter is a personal consequence. Things we don't care about personally aren't controversial--they are just fodder for The Economist

If she knew your opinion, the only possible reason to bring it up was either because you are so dogmatic that you say things reflexively or because you wanted to remind her that you didn't approve.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you aren’t a passive aggressive emotional vampire. Let’s go with “thoughtless” before “soulless.” When talking about complicated, emotional issues it is easy to resort to pre-packaged phrases that you read or hear repeatedly, but these are exactly the issues that demand personalization. These are issues where you have to say what you mean at the moment. Otherwise, you are just going to sound...mean. If you didn't intend to hurt her feelings, and I truly believe you didn't, you need to apologize. Then conserve your passionate rhetoric for the next rally.

How can I get better at accepting criticism?

Most criticism is awful and ineffective. Ignore it. They clearly can’t see your awesomeness. 



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