Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Finding Godough.

How do I find a good man?


The crucial construction in your question is "I find". There are men everywhere. Whether or not they are good is determined by how you find them. There are obvious physical findings that should, but do not always, and are therefore worth reviewing, force your hand:

1. If you find him breaking into a neighbor's car...
2. If you find him hitting on your sister...
3. If you find him lurking...anywhere...lurking is bad.

And so on...

If you don't find him cruising the roller-rink/operating a segway/using a metal hanger to do anything besides hang clothes and even then, then the find becomes more psychological and more within your control. How do you find him? Is he attractive/nice/funny/interesting/sexy/intelligent? Is he smart, but giving off a psychopath vibe? Does he have nice hair but smell like potatoes? Does he laugh at your jokes? Does he laugh too much? Is his laugh annoying? Are other people thinking about how much he's laughing? Am I starting to laugh like him?

We all judge people, and at some point everyone is going to fail. Normally this type of judging is both entertaining and healthy, but its purpose is to re-enforce existing social groups, not create new relationships. Critiquing and comparing keep people out of your life, so if you are serious about finding someone, you have to dial it back. (Don't turn it off completely. See: Lurking, anywhere)

Stop thinking in terms of failure and stop looking for a good man. With some felonious exceptions, they are all good. A vast majority of them may even be good for you, if you think of them as people, instead of super-humans that will complete your life and solve all your problems without changing you in any way.  No man is ever going to solve anyone's problems. Without any exception, felonious or otherwise, another person, regardless of gender or relationship status, will only add to your problems. Until you can enjoy the problems (and love the laugh), you won't find a good man, even if he's right in front of you.


This person I work with keeps spelling my name wrong. I'm too shy to correct them, but it's really irritating. Now other people are starting to spell it that way, too. What should I do?


Continue the farce. That way whenever you make a mistake you can blame it on your alter-ego, Gennepher. Then take comfort that in a hyper-connected, privacy-free world, there are still people who are too confident in their correctness to:

1. Read an email signature/address
2. Ask someone
3. Check on Facebook
4. Google
5. Ask for a business card

And we may all hide in their hubris.

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